“How brave is the moon in his skin; Spread by the stars. “~ Angie Wayland-Crosby
I have a dream to fulfill this dream where I am going to teach a yoga class. I stand to teach, and no one is paying attention to me. They are all distracted or in deep conversation with each other and are not interested in joining the class.
As I begin, one by one the students get up and leave. I am mortal and demoralized, although I still continue to teach.
I wake up from a dream with a sinking feeling in my stomach and heaviness in my heart. Instead of spiraling and spiraling in grief, I turn directly to pain.
“Where is this coming from?” This is the question I ask myself as I dive into self-healing. Just as the body has the ability to heal itself at the cellular level when it is injured, we also have the ability to heal our emotional wounds.
I was never fired from my job or relationship. I’m always gonna leave. This is not something I am proud of, but rather I see a pattern that has developed during my life since childhood.
When I receive criticism, my insecurities increase. It must be because I am not good enough as an employee, teacher, friend, partner. There is something obviously wrong with me. My instinct in these situations is to run, before anyone feels my flaws, before I feel more hurt.
I am afraid that it was abandoned or rejected, so at the first sign of conflict, I retreated like a turtle, which went into its shell at a time when it sensed danger.
I feel so sad when I look at my past. As I peel back the layers, I see the origin more clearly. The beliefs were deepened in childhood and strengthened in adolescence. Misconceptions of change, ineligible, not enough.
Under the protective shield is a very sensitive and hurt little girl.
A girl whose elder sister forced her out of her room and refused to play.
A girl who was teased by neighborhood children for being weird.
A girl whose best friend started the “I Hate Shannon Club” in fourth grade.
A girl who always likes her friends smarter, prettier, cooler and more.
A girl who was desperate to accept.
Proper acceptance is required to heal these deep-rooted wounds.
When we feel weak or hurt, we lock our hearts, gossip, turn to anger, or run away instead of removing discomfort. None of these behaviors will heal our emotional wounds. They are only temporary means of reducing pain. To break these old, conditioned paradigms, we must first identify where the emotions are coming from.
When we feel rejected
Let’s face it, people can be mean. We can be mean.
It can be hurtful and scary to be discarded, rejected, or received at the end of another’s harsh comments or behavior. But often, it is not as personal as we think. Often, others hurt us because they are hurting themselves. Perhaps it is not even intentional and the other is unaware that they are causing pain.
When we look beneath the surface of rejection, we eventually discover feelings of fear and abandonment. But we can choose to change how we think about rejection, and as a result, what we feel.
While we cannot control what other people think, say, or do, how we receive and experience, we can control it. We get to choose whether we allow the other’s comments to define who we are or how we feel about ourselves.
There are some situations where walking is right. But not out of fear, despite, or in defense of, but rather from a place of surrender and acceptance.
We can redirect our energy to people and situations that are positive and prosperous. Mutually loving relationships and situations where we treat each other with kindness, support and encouragement. Where, instead of tearing each other (or ourselves) down, we lift each other to the highest version of ourselves.
There are countless situations that can trigger feelings of uneasiness, but I want to focus on two specific ones that are particularly challenging for me.
When a relationship ends
Whether we chose to leave or not, there is often a deep sense of loss when an affair ends. These feelings of loss can reappear at any time when we think we have moved on, especially when we replace someone else. A place that once made us feel special, valued, adorable.
When I saw my ex-girlfriend’s new girlfriend in a house that was once mine. The feeling of change. Even if in the end, a relationship is not good for us and is no longer what we want for our future, seeing someone move forward can lead to unhappiness and insecurity.
Instead of indulging in these feelings, we can choose to be happy for the other. Glad they found love and comfort in someone else. Happy on his ability to heal his life and move on.
Not always easy when We The other has not found love or comfort, we have not recovered, and we are not moving forward with our lives. Even more difficult is that we often reject ourselves when we feel that we love someone. Antidote? Focus on love and comfort in it’s own To reinforce that we are still worthy of love, and we are not worthy to reject or reject anyone, including ourselves.
When we compare ourselves to others
Jealousy is a destructive emotion and can be triggered by an off-hand comment, a sideways glance, or a social media post.
We are happy and content one moment, the next our ex updates his Facebook status “in a relationship”, or we see a post from someone who is doing better in life, and we are in a downward spiral Sent, which includes chasing profiles, comparing ourselves to others, angry, questioning our decisions, feelings of regret … the list goes on.
To overcome the green-eyed monster, we must stop comparing ourselves to others and see our own unique gifts.
Often it is the desire of a particular person who drives unhealthy behavior and thought patterns. Consider this: You already are doing special. You already are doing Very good, just like you are. Without changing or doing anything different. You can stop trying to be too good and allow yourself to just Happen.
When I recently experienced a conflict in an interpersonal relationship, I was talking with my mother and I said to her in defeat, “I try hard to be a good person.”
He said to me, “Okay then stop trying. You are already a good person. You don’t have to try, it’s you.
The truth is, no one has come before you or will follow you with your exact qualities. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone else. The fact that you also exist is a miracle. What a gift? Allow who you are to shine, and allow others to shine without any insecurity, jealousy, or fear. Our true gifts are revealed when we recognize that we are each as complete as we are.
Time to write a new story
Those old stories from childhood, hateful words on the playground or disapproval from others, they do not fit any more. They never did. We unfortunately allowed him to say something about us and repeated the same story over and over. As adults we have the ability and awareness to see and break these old patterns.
Just identifying our old stories is a great first step. The next step is to create new stories that better align who we want to be and how we want to feel. And the last step is supporting those new stories with our assumptions and interpretations.
Instead of interpreting a breakup or retrenchment as proof of our ineptitude, we can tell ourselves that there is something better out there for us – and we deserve it. Instead of expecting people to reject us, we can focus on all the reasons we deserve, and accept that if they don’t, it’s their loss.
We can also help to surround ourselves with people who support, value and encourage us.
As I continue on my path to healing, I am a surprisingly supportive lover and network of friends and family (my sister, who has become my best friend over the years), as well as an incredible puppy who teaches me Is, grateful for the meaning of unconditional love daily (I recommend a dog to heal emotional wounds). Even when I retreat or fall into an old pattern, I am surrounded by people who accept me, challenge me, lift me up, and make me the best version of myself. Inspire to become.
My new dream goes like this: I show up to class to teach yoga and students are ready and willing to practice. They are engaged and excited to be there, and so I. I. is no longer insecure and afraid of rejection or abandonment. In this new dream, I have everything I give and let my gifts shine. In doing this I allow others to do the same.
We are the authors of our own story. The kind of story we get to live our best life. We can rewrite our story if it no longer fits as we continue to grow and develop on our path. What will your story say about you?